Forward Without Seeing
by Dstar504
Summary: At the start of Season 4 Cordelia returns to Sunnydale, defeated by the bright lights of L.A. Meanwhile Xander finds purpose at Angel Investigations. An exploration of Seasons 4 to 7 and it's characters, under those perimeters.


Cordelia returns to Sunnydale, Xander does not.

 _Thank you for the follows/reviews._

I have this story published on AO3. On AO3 this story is being told out of order (because it worked better at the time) - here I'm going to try to tell it in order.

* * *

 _Not Mine_

* * *

 **Chapter One - The Freshman (1)**

 **Time Stamp:** Early in the Episode

Cordelia leaned against the bar at the Bronze and sighed. Only a few days back in Sunnydale and she already wanted to shrink into the crowd. Los Angeles had been a bust. A huge big pile of nothing. She had tried for weeks to get any acting gig but nothing as much as a call back had put a stop to that dream. About a month into summer vacation and Cordelia had found herself staring at the University of Sunnydale acceptance letter that she had put off answering. The good news was that due to the extremely high death rate in Sunnydale, the University allowed for very very late acceptances. One mailed in letter later and she had been accepted into the not so prestigious university, full scholarship - thanks to her parent's recent bankruptcy. With the call made Cordelia had tried harder to get a acting job - after all, if she landed her big gig she could just drop out.

No such job had appeared for her. Another two months passed, and as money had dwindled Cordelia realized that her options had run out. There would be no dark knight to save her and sweep her off her feet. The return to Sunnydale had felt like a defeat, and sitting here at the bar staring out at people who seemed excited to live in such a hellhole, only made it worse. Someone sat next to her and Cordelia looked to her left. When she saw who it was she rolled her eyes, "Oh. Great - just what I need to cap off this terrible evening."

Buffy turned to look at her surprised. Clearly, she hadn't had any idea who she was sitting next to until Cordelia had said something, "Cordelia?"

"The one and only." Cordelia said with as much sarcasm as she could muster.

"What are you doing here?" Buffy asked.

Oh, well this was going to be pleasant, "This is probably the only social place in Sunnydale, why wouldn't I be here?" She didn't attempt to hide her snark.

The way Buffy looked at her made Cordelia feel stupid, "I mean in Sunnydale. The way you left felt like a goodbye."

Buffy was the last person Cordelia wanted to have this conversation with. But she was bored, and company - even unpleasant company - was better than none, "Turns out that I'm too good for acting. They were afraid I would outshine everyone."

Next to her Buffy scoffed, "So you failed." Seriously, what was Buffy's damage?

"Thank you for rubbing it in."

The way she snapped at Buffy, she could see that it had hurt her. Which - good, "Sorry." Buffy paused, "You haven't seen Xander have you?"

Is that why Buffy was here? To look for Cordelia's shitbag of an ex? "Why would I have seen Xander?"

"I don't know!" Buffy admitted, "He went to Los Angeles too. Thought you might have come back on the same bus."

Cordelia had not in fact know that Xander had been in the same city as her. She had figured that, with how Xander was - he would have stuck around Sunnydale for the summer. It wasn't like he had anything else going on, "I'm not his keeper. And Los Angeles is a big city. You don't really get how big the city is until you get there. You hear about it of course, but hearing about it and living it are two totally different things. My chances of running into Xander? About the same as nada."

She hadn't expected it actually, how big the city was - how quickly it swallowed people whole. There was something sinister about it's underbelly, "Willow's nervous you know." Buffy said.

What? Cordelia didn't understand Buffy's leap in logic, "About what?" She asked.

"Xander. He was in contact with her for the first month and then nothing. It's like he's dropped off the face of the planet."

That made Cordelia laugh because honestly, she hoped he had. Still, "That doesn't sound like him."

"It doesn't!" Buffy reached forward and nibbled on some of the nuts the bartender had just placed in front of them, "He's not that sort of guy you know? He's big with the shouting and the yelling. And the running away from danger."

"So maybe he ran away from Sunnydale. Plenty of danger here." Cordelia suggested.

"Don't say that." And okay even Cordelia had to admit that it didn't sound like something Xander would do, "I'm sure he wouldn't just leave us like that. He must have a reason for not being here." Buffy looked like she was trying to convince herself more than she was trying to convince Cordelia.

"Then what's the reason?" She asked Buffy.

"I don't know." Buffy admitted.

Cordelia didn't know why she was sitting here talking with Buffy about Xander of all people. She imagined standing up and just walking away. But she was lonely. Most of the people she had grown up with in Sunnydale had either died in the fight for their High School, or moved on. This is all she really had left, "Maybe a demon got him." She supplied.

"Did you miss the part about him running away from danger?" Buffy asked.

"He was kinda brave. Sometimes." Cordelia told her and okay now she was defending Xander and it tasted gross in her mouth, "Anyway, what have you been up to this summer? I hope it wasn't anything fun."

That wasn't exactly the subject change she had been looking for, but it would have to do. Next to her Buffy ate another handful of nuts, "Stalking cemeteries, slaying vampires, you know - the usual." Buffy answered.

"Well, that sounds deliciously boring."

God, Cordelia was very glad that someone had had a summer that had been just as miserable as hers, "You don't have to sound so excited about it." Buffy groused.

"Well you were over here mocking me for being a failing actress, so I don't see what the issue is." She blinked at Buffy.

Next to her Buffy glared, but her harsh eye beams slowly softened, "Truce?"

That caused Cordelia to pause, because Buffy offering an olive branch seemed very un-Buffy like. But she wasn't about to turn down an attempt to lay down arms, "Truce." In front of her Buffy nodded and then reached for another nut grimacing this time as she did so, "What happened to you by the way? You look like you got into a fight with something and lost." Cordelia gave Buffy the once over.

"Vampire. And I sort of did. Lose." Buffy told her.

"You're kidding right? How am I supposed to feel safe in this town if one lousy vampire takes you out?"

When she said it Cordelia realized she shouldn't have. Because of course Buffy was more worried about this than she could ever possibly be. But Buffy seemed to take it in stride, which Cordelia was thankful for, "Or all the students. They don't deserve this."

"Well where is Willow? Shouldn't you be calling all the troops or something?"

Or something alright, "Willow is in college heaven. I, I don't want to bug her. She doesn't need this."

"Which just leaves you. To deal with it, alone."

"You're here." Buffy shrugged.

"I am here." Cordelia said and then realized what Buffy meant, "And no."

"I'll do all the fighting. You're just - backup. I promise."

"Tasty backup that the vampires will want to eat when they see how beautiful I am."

"You're the only one I have right now, as loathed as I am to say it. Please help me."

If Buffy was begging her Cordelia knew it had to be serious. With Xander in the wind and Willow off doing god knew what, she really was the only one Buffy really had to help her out at the moment. She didn't want to go, and she really didn't want to deal with all the mystical crap that Buffy did - but she had come back to Sunnydale. And she was very, terribly bored, "It's a deal." She stood up and put out her hand for Buffy to shake on it, "Let's put this bitch in the ground!"

Buffy stood up and shook her hand, sealing their little pact, "Thank you Cordelia. I mean it."

Their hands dropped and Cordelia shrugged, "Well, don't forget it."

As they stood there Cordelia wondered what she was getting into. She had planned to come back here, get her degree - and then get out. Then, if she could - get a high paying job in some big city and never have to come back to Sunnydale or see it again. She should have known that the mumbo jumbo was something she couldn't escape. Not with the people she knew.

* * *

 **Notes:** _This story is not a fix-it_ , there are changed plot points but I wanted to make that abundantly clear before the story begun. The middle of the fic is the part that is going to look the most changed overall. This story is told in snippet form - not all episodes will be covered. Some episode titles have been changed to match the episode content. Those changes will be easily marked.


End file.
